


Hard to Love

by amandateaches



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Reader-Insert, with a dash of Dean self-loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 17:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17005635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandateaches/pseuds/amandateaches
Summary: Dean takes his anger on out the reader, but she instantly forgives him. How does that make him feel?





	Hard to Love

**Author's Note:**

> Based around the song Hard to Love by Lee Brice.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Y/N,” Dean snapped. His teeth were clenched together, causing the muscle in the side of his jaw to flex dangerously.

“But, Dean…”

“I said no, Y/N!” he yelled, whirling around to confront her. “Now drop it!”

She took a step back, the anger rolling off of him startling her. “Ok,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry. I’ll back off.”

He sighed, clearly frustrated, and ran his hands across his face. “I need a drink…”

Y/N watched him stalk off, but she held back, knowing that the one thing he needed right now was his space. Going after him and pushing comfort wasn’t going to help him tonight. He needed to swim in his anger. Ride it out. Or it would eat him alive.

She sighed and made her way to her room, leaving the clinking sound of Dean’s whiskey glass behind her. After all these years, she knew Dean better than she knew herself. She knew that there were times when he needed comfort and reassurance from her, but there were also times when he needed to face his anger alone and drink the pain away. That was his way of coping when the emotions got to be too much. He’d come to her when he was ready. He always did.

I am insensitive, I have a tendency  
To pay more attention to the things that I need.  
Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust,  
Sometimes I don’t know why you stay with me.

Dean woke up early the next morning with a pounding headache, courtesy of a few too many whiskeys. “Son…of…a…bitch. I must have really gone hard last night.”

He reached over, his hand instinctively seeking out Y/N’s. It was an only an instant before he realized that she wasn’t in bed with him. His eyes briefly widened with panic before the memories of last night came rushing back to him in a flash: the hunt, the girl they’d been too late to save, the drinking. He remembered Y/N trying to comfort him, and he remembered pushing her away. Again.

“Damn it…” he growled. “I need to find her.”

He sat up quickly, wincing at the pain it caused, and stood up to get dressed. He had just finished pulling on his jeans when he noticed a note on the nightstand next to two ibruprofen and a glass of water. He picked it up gently to read it.

Hey Babe,

Here’s something to help with your head. I figured you might need it. :)

Love, Y/N

He smiled to himself, before downing the two pills. Somehow, she always knew just what he needed, even before he did. He had to find some way to make up for how he treated her last night. He just hoped she would be able to forgive him.

I’m hard to love, hard to love,  
No, I don’t make it easy,  
I couldn’t do it if I stood where you stood.  
I’m hard to love, hard to love,  
You say that you need me,  
I don’t deserve it but I love that you love me, good.

Dean walked through the bunker for a few minutes until he closed in on the hallway where Y/N’s room was. He was still quite a ways down the hall, but he could already hear the music drifting through her open door. When he recognized the song, he grinned for the second time that morning: “Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin. One of his favorites.

He walked silently up to the doorway and leaned against the frame, content to just stand there and watch her. She was dancing around the room, in one of his old flannels, swaying back and forth to one of his favorite songs, without a care in the world. How had he gotten so lucky with her? With how messed up he was, most women would have run for the hills a long time ago. But, not Y/N. She stayed with him, no matter how much he drank or how much he pushed her away. Why?

Girl, you’ve given me a million second chances  
And I don’t ever wanna take you for granted

It took a few moments for her to notice him standing there, but, when she did, her whole face lit up. “Hey, stranger. How’re you feeling?”

“Ok,” he said with a small smile. “Better after your little present.” He paused, his face darkening. “Listen, about last night…”

“I don’t want to hear it, Dean. You know you don’t have to apologize to me. Not for that. You’re allowed to feel how you feel, and I would never hold that against you.”

He smiled softly at her unwavering support before moving in closer and gripping the edge of her flannel to pull her into him. “But, I want to apologize. Please, Y/N, hear me out.”

She slid her hands up to wrap them around his neck and patiently waited, giving him the opening she knew he needed.

“I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You were just trying to help, and I was being an ass.”

“Dean, it’s ok. I’m not mad.”

He frowned. “But why? Why aren’t you mad? Why don’t you hate me? I took out all my anger on you like an idiot. Again. You should be mad! Hell, you should be slapping me after the way I treated you.”

She smiled, somehow calming him like only she could. “Because, I love you, Dean, and I could never hate you. Never. Besides, no matter how angry you get, I know it’s never at me. And, you always calm down. You love me too damn much to stay angry for long.”

He laughed then, the smile returning to his face. “You’re right about that,” he said before pausing and looking down at her. “Tell me something. How did I get so lucky with a girl like you?”

“I don’t know,” she said, with an exaggerated shrug and a laugh. “But, you should count your blessings, mister. I’m the whole damn package.”

“Yeah,” he said as he leaned down to kiss her. “You certainly are.”

Hard to love, hard to love,  
Oh, I don’t make it easy  
And I couldn’t do it if I stood where you stood.  
I’m hard to love, hard to love  
And you say that you need me,  
I don’t deserve it but I love that you love me, good,  
You love me, good.


End file.
